Wordless Wednesday..

Our February.

I really don't want to sit and type out a forever long blog post but I will post pics of what we have done this month.

We went to the zoo with April and Alyssa. The girls played more then they looked at the animals, but that's just fine with me.

February 3rd is my brother Matt's birthday. April had a wonderful idea and brought over balloons. We wrote notes to Matt's and sent them up to heaven for him.

Lys
Sweet April was being shy, I still love her A LOT!

We spend a weekend out in Yuma with Bruce (Brian's dad) and Adell. They took us to the Rodeo. Addie got to ride a pony, she loved every second of it.

It was Valentine's Day and Daddy got Addie a flower.
She got a little bored, she walked up all the stairs and sat for a little while.
Adell, Mikayla, Bruce, and Addie



As you all saw from a previous post I feel bad I am always making something for someone else and my poor Addie doesn't get stuff made for her. I set a goal this weekend to make her a Crayon Roll and a Hooded Towel...I actually did it! I think they turned out pretty cute. Most importantly Addie LOVED them both!

my weekend goals

I have seen a million things over the past few months that I have wanted to make. This weekend it it! I want to make Addie a hooded towel and a crayon roll for the car. She sees me make so much stuff and she always asks if it is for her. Sadly, it never is. I don't have any sewing orders right now, I am going to make some stuff for my little stinker.

racing thoughts

I have ALWAYS had issues with sleeping, but ever since Matt (my brother) died a little over 3 months ago it has been much worse. Some nights are a little better then others. I close my eyes and I see his face, old pictures of him, memories that I have of him or with him. It just seems to be on repeat. Tonight is not one of the better. His death has hit me in waves. For a while I wondered if I was broken or something because it took me over a month to have my first really BIG melt down. We were in the car not talking about anything and I just burst into tears and couldn't stop them for the life of me. Three hours later I finally pulled it together. The second one was while I was cleaning out our loft, I came across a picture from about 7 years ago. It was a picture of me and my 3 siblings. To know we will never have a picture like that again. Us siblings started a tradition about 4 years ago. Any time that we took a picture of any of the siblings we would always leave a empty space for the missing sibling...I have 3 pictures where one of the four siblings is missing. We will forever have to leave a space for Matt. This photo was taken the day of his funeral.

Tonight is melt down number 3, laying in bed, closing my eyes and just flash backs to the funeral. Sometimes my mind gets the best of me and I just can't shut it off, no matter what I do. It's just crazy because I wonder will it ever REALLY become real for me that he is gone. It seems I can tell whoever, whenever, that my brother died in Iraq on November the 8th and it just doesn't seem real. In the back of my mind I keep thinking I will see him next Christmas or when we go visit he'll be there. I am so grateful that he was here with us on this earth for 29 years. I know I am a better person for having him in my life. I know he left this earth for a reason, even if we were ready for him to go or not.

I heard this song a while ago and the lyrics just keep running through my mind...


How long must I pray, must I pray to You?
How long must I wait, must I wait for You?
How long 'til I see Your face, see You shining through?
I'm on my knees, begging You to notice me.
I'm on my knees, Father will you turn to me?


One tear in the dropping rain,
One voice in the sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breakin' heart?
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Won't You come close and hold my heart

I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye.
But if there's no other way, I'm done asking why.
Cuz I'm on my knees, begging You to turn to me
I'm on my knees, Father will you run to me?

One tear in the dropping rain,
One voice in the sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breakin' heart?
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Won't You come close and hold my heart.

So many questions without answers, Your promises remain
I can't sleep but I'll take my chances to hear You call my name
To hear You call my name

One tear in the dropping rain,
One voice in the sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breakin' heart?
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Won't You come close and hold my heart.

Hold my heart, could you hold my heart?
Hold my heart.

I know there is many times that Heavenly Father is hold my heart, one of those times in now..

Haiti

I have often wished there was something I could do to make a difference to the people suffering in Haiti because of the horrible earthquake. I don't have millions of dollars, or even hundreds to donate. I saw this video and thought this is what I can do. I can share this inspiring video and download the song for $1.29. Please join me in doing the same. We can all make a small difference. Go HERE to donate or go HERE to download the video. Lot of love!

Random.

Brian called me on my way home from taking him to work and told me Captain Phil Harris from The Deadliest Catch had passed away.
We have watched that show for way too long. I know it sounds totally crazy but it was almost like he told me that an old neighbor had died or something. The show will never be the same.

Addie and I walked to the park and library yesterday to get out of the house and enjoy the weather. It was beautiful outside.



Nothing is really new or exciting in our lives right now. That is why my poor blog has been neglected lately. I hope all of you are doing well.

65 facts about me

Probably more than you want or need to know...

I saw this on my friend, Valeri's blog. I thought I hadn't updated my blog in a while so, here have some useless information about me.

65 facts about ME:

1. First thing you wash in the shower?
My hair

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
I have a few, either black or pink.

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Yep! I sure would!

4. Do you plan outfits?
No I don't. I should but no.

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Tired. We stayed up WAY to late to do our taxes last night.

6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red?
Addie's red table and chair.

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having.
If I had one I don't remember it.

8. Did you meet anybody new today?
No, but it’s still morning.

9. What are you craving right now?
Nothing really.

10. Do you floss daily?
No. I really need to be better about that though.

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
No thank you!

12. Are you emotional?
I can be. With the current events that have happened in our lives in the last 3 months, I have my melt downs here and there.
13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
Nope, and don’t plan to.

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
In a cone...I lick it. In a bowl bite it.

15. Do you like your hair?
No so much right now. I am in the growing our process and I am not good at growing out my hair. I just wanna keep shaving is cause I feel like it's all puffy.

16. Do you like yourself?
I have learned to yes. It took be some serious time but yes.

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
Sure.

What are you listening to right now?
Addie is watching Super Why on PBS and eating peaches.

19. Are your parents strict?
They weren't going up.

20. Would you go sky diving?
I have and would do it again in a heart beat.

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
I do. I like it with Pineapple chunks.

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
No but I have seen a few in person.

23. Do you rent movies often?
Yes! We love Redbox!

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
Addie has this dog bag thing and the handles are sparkly.

25. How many countries have you visited?
Two. The Grand Caymans and Mexico

26. Have you made a prank phone call?
When I was younger, yes.

27. Ever been on a train?
I don't think so.

28. Brown or white eggs?
An egg is an egg.

29. Do you have a cell phone?
Yes, and I use it way to much.

30. Do you use chap stick?
I have one on me all the time.

31. Do you own a gun?
No we do not.

32. Can you use chop sticks?
No I am not good with them at all.

33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
Brian, Addie, the Gould family, and some nurse that is going to take blood for a life insurance policy.

34. Are you too forgiving?
I can be, not with all people or every situation.

35. Ever been in love?
Yep!

36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
Brian and my sister will be working. As for my other BFF she will most likely be helping out in her daughters class room, cleaning, and food shopping cause that's what she does on Tuesdays. (sad I know that, huh?)

37. Ever have cream puffs?
I have but they aren't my favorite thing ever.

38. Last time you cried?
Yesterday. When I get really mad I cry.

39. What was the last question you asked?
Via text I asked David Gould what time the nurse was coming to take my blood.

40. Favorite time of year?
winter

41. Do you have any tattoos?
I do. I have 4. One on my foot that my brother Matt drew for me. One on my ankle that I got with my sister and sister in law. One on my shoulder I got with one of my best friends. Last but most importantly the memorial tattoo I got for Matt.

42. Are you sarcastic?
Yes I can be. Not with everyone though.

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
No and from what I hear about it I don't plan to.

44. Ever walked into a wall?
Not that I can remember.

45. Favorite color?
Lately, red.

46. Have you ever slapped someone?
No.

47. Is your hair curly?
Nope. Straight, straight, straight!

48. What was the last CD you bought?
Colbie Caillat

49. Do looks matter?
Depends on what we’re talking about.

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
No.

51. Is your phone bill sky high?
I wish it was lower.

52. Do you like your life right now?
Yeah for the most part. Things can always be better though.

53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
No I can't.

54. Can you handle the truth?
I would much rather have the truth and have it hurt then hear a lie.

55. Do you have good vision?
Yes I do. Thank goodness!

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
We aren't allowed to use the word hate in our house. I have to be honest and say there is a few people I STRONGLY dislike though.

57. How often do you talk on the phone?
I have a few people I talk on the phone with but not to much.

58. The last person you held hands with?
Addie walking in the store last night.

59. What are you wearing?
Jammies. When I am doing with this I gotta shower and get some cleaning done.

60. What is your favorite animal?
I don't really have a favorite.

61. Where was your profile picture taken?
I am not sure what pic it is but if it's the one I think it is it was taken in Idaho last summer in my brothers back yard.

62. Can you hula hoop?
For some reason I can't do it for the life of me.

63. Do you have a job?
One of the most important ones. I also sew on the side to make some extra money.

64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
Last night I bought stuff to make homemade ice cream.

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yes. Addie locked us out 2 summers ago and one of the windows was open...so I crawled though.

Now it's your turn! If you're reading this and have a blog, consider yourself tagged!